Speechless

Honestly, I am truly speechless.   Take a look at the video.

Here is what the mother wrote:

On Saturday 02.16.19 my husband and I went to North Blvd in Houston to have some photos taken of our daughter to celebrate her first birthday. Its a well known public trail where many people have photos taken. When we arrived there were several other photographers in the vicinity, working with their clients.
Our photographer arrived and we began setting up. We set up on the path for the baby to sit with small props (to match the scale of the baby) and began taking our shots. During the shoot there were lots of people jogging and walking their dogs who gave us wide berth (lots of room to do so) and even wished the baby happy birthday with a sweet smile as they passed by.
About 35 minutes into our 1hr shoot we heard a voice shouting in our direction – and when we turned to look it was this woman rolling up in her car, shouting through her window: “You are trampling the grass that WE pay for”.
Out of this light blue jaguar convertible emerges this barefoot caucasian woman wearing a housedress, holding nothing but a cell phone and carrying her dog. She marches towards us and upon arriving, takes a look at my 11 mth old daughter and releases her unleashed dog, who at the time could not walk and was sitting peacefully on the pathway. In the midst of her shouting, I immediately and calmly asked her to restrain her dog as it made a beeline for the baby and it was coming dangerously close to my child. I actually crouched next to the baby and put my hand out to try to shoo this strange dog away. The lady begins shouting at us that we are on private property, and that she will not restrain her dog because she can do whatever she wants there.
I told her if her dog damages my child I will be pressing charges and she takes out her phone, starting to record me, asking me if I was threatening her. I repeated what I said. At this point her dog wandered away.
Our photographer calmly approached her to let her know that she was the one directing the shoot. The lady tells her that she brought “these” people into “her” neighborhood. The lady had no answer when asked why she did not approach the other photographers WHOM SHE PASSED ON HER WAY TO APPROACH US. Her lack of response prompted my husband to take out his phone to record what was going on.
At this point the lady stomps towards my baby and starts aggressively trying to remove the props placed around her, startling me. The baby, petrified by her aggression, started to scream and started crawling away from her into my arms.
This did not deter her and she continued – my husband and the photographer quickly approached her to block her from doing this and at this point I started to shout at the lady about her aggression upsetting my child.
She appeared stunned that I finally started to shout back at her…but I’m not sure what else she was expecting. The rest is what you see below.
When my husband spoke to a police officer following this craziness he confirmed what we already knew – we were doing nothing wrong because we were on public property. The photographers in the vicinty all approached us afterwards completely appalled by this woman’s behaviour, and confused as to why they werent targeted by her at all.
She passed people taking fashion shoots, people crouching on the walkway, “trampling” her beloved grass – and came directly at the photoshoot with the gold “1” balloon to cause a scene. With an 11 mth old sitting on the floor. And her parents making funny faces to make her laugh. Absolutely disgusting.
A police report has been filed. We will be pressing charges and are currently seeking legal counsel on this matter.
Please distribute widely. A baby was involved. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.

My NEW Normal

Like every night for the past 2 years….

 

On the night of February 18th, I cried myself to sleep.  I had so many thoughts floating around in my head, that I became overwhelmed.  I had thoughts of my childhood, thoughts of being bullied in school, thoughts of feeling like I failed my children, thoughts of failed romantic relationships, and thoughts about my current situation.

As a child, I had no clue that we were struggling.  We always had food, we never had any utilities shut off, and we wore nice clothes.  I was like every other kid that had to do their chores on Saturday morning before going outside to play.  I also had no clue that pedophiles or molesters existed.  Once I found out, my life changed drastically.  I went from being a happy-go-lucky child, to a child that had been molested by men. Once being a child that loved to ride bikes, walk around the neighborhood, and play kickball to becoming a closed-off, anti-social, fearful, child.

Once I became a Freshman in high school, all hell broke loose.   I was bullied beyond belief.  In fact, it still has an affect on me today. (believe it or not)  I had no one to talk to, because I didn’t know who to trust. (for obvious reasons)  I am an only child, so I didn’t have anyone to take up for me and I didn’t know how to fight.  I remembered telling the principal, only for nothing to be done.  Hell, it got worse!  To add insult to injury, the people that bullied me not only went to school with me, we rode the same bus, and lived in the same neighborhood.  Transforming into a teenager that was angry and bitter, that was STILL getting molested and bullied!

I was not equipped to understand how these things would play a role in me becoming an adult.  After the birth of my 2nd child, I was no longer able to deny that something was not quite right. I still didn’t know how severe things really were. I eventually reached out to an agency in the city I was living in at the time.  I would say that this agency saved my life.   I was not the parent that I had envisioned.   Little did I know that I was suffering with bipolar disorder, manic depression, PTSD, and a few others that I am still trying to grasp the concept of.   I was not providing my children with the attention and guidance they needed from me.  I am still struggling with this and they are young adults now.  Guilt is now paired with regret.  (terrible combination)

My relationship history is a tad bit heartbreaking.  However, I consider it to be a lesson.  I am not a scorned woman, just an informed woman.  Meaning,  I refuse to allow bad relationships to encourage how I perceive relationships.  I believe in love, but I also believe in not settling. (I wish I had understood this when I thought I knew everything)  I didn’t want to believe for one second that I was the type to settle.  (insert facial expression)  Yet, I type this as a single woman.   I am only upset about being single because of how it happened.   I am embracing my single status because it is allowing me to self reflect.   I could easily blame my ex, but what good would that do?  Playing the BLAME GAME, only prohibits growth.  I have realized that I am not ready for a relationship.   I need to learn how to focus on becoming a better me.  Until I do, every relationship I enter will eventually fail.

 

I thought my ex and I were going to live the rest of our lives together.  Boy was I wrong.   I am still dealing with this breakup and it is not going well.  I have never been like this after a breakup.   This one snatched my soul.   I didn’t realize just how much of myself I put into that relationship until it ended.   When I tell you that I lost myself…..  I lost my WILL, my DRIVE, my AMBITIONS, and my GOALS. More or less, I have become someone that I no longer recognize!  wooooooooo child, I don’t know if I am coming or going.  I am already living with this damn bipolar disorder and now I am even more depressed.  I lost my job, my car needs repairs, I had to move out, two of my children’s birthdays are approaching,  my savings is gone, I have gained 40 pounds, and disconnection notices are piling up.  I realized that relationship defined me and now I don’t know who I am.  How do I pick myself up?  Why did I invest so much of myself?  When did I stop loving myself? I know what I need to do, but executing it is my obstacle.   Fear and chaos, is the best way to describe it.

‘CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP HAS BECOME MY NEW NORMAL’

Mental Healthcare for Those That Don’t — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

Several months ago, I was forced into an inpatient hospital stay for my mental health. I was not suicidal, not planning to harm myself, or planning to harm anyone else. I was just very depressed and wanted to be watched so I wouldn’t plummet into the pit. Instead, everything was made worse. You can read […]

via Mental Healthcare for Those That Don’t — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

Suicide, It’s easier to mask pain than it is to unveil it

Suicide, is a word that makes many people uncomfortable by merely mentioning it.  Suicide is MORE than just a word!!!  It is a dangerous emotion that affects millions of people everyday!  Whether the person is well-known or someone that most people don’t even know exists,  suicide affects us all.  The societal stereotypes make it difficult to have conversations when a person has suicidal thoughts.   The pressures to, BE GREAT, in today’s society have proven to be increasing.   Especially if the person is in the limelight.  Public figures/celebrities have to mask their sadness due to their profession.   Why?  Haven’t we realized that celebrities/public figures are just like you and me?   When a celebrity commits suicide, SUDDENLY some attention is paid to the severity of suicide.    AWARENESS is needed, no matter the individual.

Although awareness is very well needed!  SUICIDE should NOT be publicized by the media!!!!!   Why does the media feel the need to publicize tragedies of this magnitude I will never understand.  This is the sort of thing that I have always questioned.   I truly believe it is insensitive.    Doing proper research will show them that it is NOT wise to somewhat glorify it.  It turns it into a trend.   Think about it!!!  You see how many school shootings happened back to back.  Why?  Because for those that were crying out for help in their own subtle way, will see a way to FINALLY be heard!    It sends the message of, THIS is what I should do in order to get people to listen and hear my pain. (in the worse way)

Society feels the need to offer temporary solutions to an ongoing problem.   Creating commercials and PSAs is just that, a temporary solution.   How do you help people that isolate themselves because of the ridicule they will face?   It is extremely difficult for most people that have suicidal thoughts to confide in people.  Mainly because most people will have responses like, “You’re fine.”  “Somebody in the world is going through something much worse than you are.”   Or the infamous response, “There is nothing wrong with you, you have plenty of sense!”  That last response is the WORST one you can say to someone who is attempting to express their innermost thoughts!!!  This response will make the person feel like they have no right to feel the way they feel.  Which often results in a person shutting down.   From my own personal experiences,  it increases the thoughts of suicide.

Telling a person that they are the strongest person you know may seem like a compliment.  It’s NOT!  In fact, it is a deterrent!!!!   Most likely, it will cause the person to shut down.   It already takes an extreme amount of courage to even want to discuss your feelings with someone, and hearing this will usually make a person feel like no one will understand!!!  Often resulting in seclusion.  Seclusion is the last thing a person that is battling with these emotions should do or feel.

Mental Illness does NOT discriminate!!  It is sad that it takes someone to die from suicide before it is an ongoing discussion.  However, the media’s discussions on suicide seem to only be newsworthy when it affects public figures/celebrities.  Sadly, I believe that the conversations will cease until another public figure/celebrity dies!!!  Flashing the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline phone number is not awareness!!!!  What is the purpose of mentioning the statistics/rates of suicidal deaths vs. car crashes and murders?  It does nothing to provide means of prevention. What does it even mean?  It sends the message of,  I am too busy to listen.    It’s like giving a homeless person .25 cents and telling them to go and buy them something to eat.   These people are convinced that they have done their good deed for the day!!!!

LEARN TO LISTEN!!!  YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT A PERSON IS GOING THROUGH!!  MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE!!! MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE!!!!   

 

 

 

Another Disgusting Display of Ignorance

 

I have some strong thoughts and feelings about this one. Why can’t people see that THIS is part of the problem????   The story link is located at the end of this blog post.

*photo credit: FACEBOOK GROUP*

IMG_2261


1. IF IT WAS MADE BY AN ANGRY WHITE PERSON
When you jump outside of your body and do ignorant crap like this, is when it shines a bigger light to ENTITLEMENT!! The idiot that made this announcement was attempting to prove, either the non existent similarities or wanting people of color to feel as if demanding justice/ is somehow silly!! Because this sign is silly. Just as the thought process behind it. Mocking the surge of people of color that are demanding that the government stop their
practice of, EYES WIDE SHUT!!! This sign is just another deflection tactic!!! It is meant to make you feel foolish and to give up.   

*photo credit: GOOGLE SEARCH*

shame-on-you


2. IF IT WAS MADE BY A BLACK PERSON
Don’t act like it’s not possible!! The fact that the person KNEW it would cause an uproar is neither funny nor complimentary!!! At a time where the government’s actions are being questioned by our youth, this is a setback!!! You are only hurting the progress!!! Your actions are more shameful than those of a white nationalist. This is not humor, it is h
umiliating!!!!
If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything!!!  As a nation, we have to do better.  As a community, we need to be better!


(side note) *it amazes me how we have a satellite over the WORLD, yet we can’t seem to locate the dog leaving the big pile of dog shit in our yard. Yet, we live in a neighborhood where only 1 person has a damn dog* #LetThatMarinate
In other words, 

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/stop-blaming-white-people-sign-at-post-office-draws-ire-prompts-investigation/ar-BBJQLQY?li=BBmkt5R&ocid=spartanntp

What Am I Supposed To Do?

hand pic

 

What am I supposed to do?  Sit back and remain sad? If I still wore my pain with apparent sadness, had a crackled voice from hours of crying,  professed my love and begged you to please stay?  Would observing these behaviors somehow convince you that I love you? Trust me, just because I fall into depression without a moment’s notice…. Does NOT, mean that I can’t comprehend what is taking place around me!!!  I am well aware of the effort that it takes to remove yourself from the scenario and LISTEN to someone express their feelings.  In some instances, explanations of how a person has arrived at those feelings, are confessed.  At some point, you have to realize that it is not for you to agree with… But instead, UNDERSTAND those feelings/explanations that are being told to you!!!  Don’t let it fall upon ‘deaf ears’!!!  The saying, ‘Put Yourself In Someone Else’s Shoes’, IS TRUE!!!  You won’t have a SUCCESSFUL relationship without it!!

What am I supposed to do?  When you have a negative reaction to things that aren’t about you. Due to the similarities and the nature of the situation.  Assumptions are usually set free by yelling, vulgar language, hurt feelings, and the inability to apologize.  Should I bear the responsibility of putting a bandage on your self inflicted wound?  You just don’t understand that you are asking me to see me through the same negative lens as yourself.  If you know me, you would know how much I am hurting!!!  If you love me, you would love me like you were going to lose me!!

Now I wonder, if loving you means that I don’t love myself!!!!

Jackson, MS

*Photos Credit* Karma7774

January 2018

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With the current state of Jackson, MS, it’s hard to become a tourists attraction.  Jackson USED to be a beautiful city.  Don’t get me wrong, it still has potential.  I truly believe that.  However,  the current appearance of the city is heartbreaking.

Listen, I do understand that the residents play a major role in how neighborhoods are looking.  But I have to ask, what are the politicians for?   When issues are brought to the forefront, MOST politicians have a way of playing, THE BLAME GAME!  I often compare them to, angry store clerks or rude customer service representatives.  Reason being, usually those persons are ONLY there to get a check.  They could care less about doing the job they’re getting paid to do.

Highway 80 is a MAIN CORRIDOR in Jackson.  It was once filled with thriving businesses.  I remember countless stores to shop and a variety of restaurants. There was even a movie theatre around the corner from a popular retailer.  This is not the Jackson that I remember.

If I had to guess….. I would say that over 85% of the businesses have since left.  That is not counting the businesses that are STILL leaving the metro area.  It is not an easy answer to just blame it on the politicians.  It is the OBVIOUS answer to the vastly growing problems within the city.   When I left Jackson, Madison was a county.   In fact, I think it was a brilliant idea to utilize that area as a city.  Man, it is BEAUTIFUL in Madison, MS.    Madison has also managed to entice businesses to pick up and leave Jackson.   Keep in mind, Jackson is the capital of Mississippi!!!  

New companies seeking a home in the metro area, usually end up anywhere other than highway 80 or even Jackson, MS for that matter.   As you can see from the photos, it’s not a difficult decision to say, THANKS, but NO THANKS!  There a lot more buildings that resemble those pictured and nothing is being done about it.  A few days ago, at another abandoned building, across the street from a local convenient store, I saw a man remove a board and walk right inside.  Now, whether or not he was homeless is not even important to me.  These buildings becoming havens for criminals disturbs me.  That is my reasoning for posting these photos.  Something not only HAS to be done, it NEEDS to be done!!!  No time like the present, right?

I can’t tell you how ticked off I get when I see the neglect of the streets’ upkeep.  Especially when it is the responsibility of the city.   One day, in the fall of 2017, I witnessed a city worker blowing leaves not only onto the street, he blew them into the drainage ditch!!!  Why?  Oh, that is not the worse thing that I’ve witnessed.  As a matter of fact, on January 5, 2018, they were disposing the trash from the many trash cans distributed around the park, and replacing it with new bags.  Sounds good so far, right?  Hmmmmph, this one city worker, decided that because there were 2 bags of trash that appeared to have been dumped by a resident, he would not be responsible for disposing of them.  What he did next, sent me into an entire fury.  This man, put those bags on the street!!  YES, ON THE STREET!!!  Now, if I could have caught up to that truck on foot, those bags would have been inside riding next to him.  Because that jerk, passed by me as I picked up those bags and placed them next to my trash.  *to get them off the street and ensure that they will get picked up*  The nerve of this a**hole, to do that as if people in my neighborhood don’t care.  True, it was garbage day on the day he did it.  However, I know he didn’t expect for them to pick that up…..  He couldn’t have.  These are the same people that will rip your trash bag while they are attempting to pick it up, watch the trash fall, and WILL NOT pick it up!!!   *I should’ve taken pictures that day too*  Keep in mind, the trash was in a trash can, at a park.  Who’s to say that people didn’t bring those bags to clean up after a barbecue?    I thought to myself, “Was the problem that they properly disposed of the mess that they made?”  What was this dude thinking?????

I just want these political officials to understand that a lot of people can’t help where they live.  There are some people in the worst neighborhoods that want to help make a positive difference!  We just need these politicians to be CONSISTENT!!!  and not a consistent disappointment!!!!